Restoration
Sable Palace, August SY151
I spent the following day preparing with some trepidation for my walk that evening. The Pattern doesn't normally bother me any more, certainly not in the way it used to - indeed, I'd got into the habit of walking either the Murray or Tenné versions most mornings when in significant contact with the Outside. Still, this time I had been out of commission for a long while, I only half recalled how tough it was to walk and I was planning to take the Primal design, rather than one of the reflections. It was the first time that I had done that in a long time, and hoped to Hell that it remembered me.
After working on the Primal wards, I got a decent lunch, and then spent the afternoon enjoying the July sunshine by riding round the caldera. This time, my various friends and family seemed happy to leave me to my own devices, which gave me a few hours of solitude in which to prepare.
Eventually I made my way back to the light bridge, teleported myself back down to the central courtyard, and headed for the library where I was going to meet Adam. As I entered I could hear voices, and saw that he was involved in an intense discussion with Andrew, apparently regarding some patient of Adam's who was known to both of them and appeared to have fallen foul of the Reich at some time in the past.
"I hope I'm not disturbing anything," I said, as it seemed polite to announce myself if they were in the middle of a confidential conversation.
"No, we were done," Andrew said, looking towards me as I entered, although I noticed that Adam's expression was at odds with my son's words, "is it time?"
"I reckon I'm as ready as I'm going to be," I answered.
"Anyone else coming along?"
"By which it sounds as if you've invited yourself," I said to him and he shrugged.
"Someone should make sure you don't get into trouble. I guess we could have drafted James in for that, but he's in Murray and I'm here, so this seemed easiest."
"Appointing yourself my guardian?"
"If you don't make it, someone needs to know," he replied, with a poker-faced expression that made me wonder if he was joking or serious.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"Any time," he answered, and I finally saw the mischievous look in his eye which suggested the former.
"So what does this entail?" Adam asked, a trifle nervously.
"We head for Terra Magica, I get us down into the Primal Chamber, and then I take a walk. Just don't be surprised if I don't manage to stay human for the duration."
"Does that happen often?"
"Normally I can hold my form - at least for most of the trip," I answered. To do so had become easier over the years, as long as I was willing to put a little of my concentration into it, "but this time I think I'm going to need all my wits about me, without having to divert my attention to anything else, so potentially yes."
"I assume you're not planning to kill us before we get there," Andrew commented, mildly "I seem to recall that part of the process when you moved the Primal Pattern from its original location to wherever it is now - never have quite figured that bit out - was that you set the defences so they would kill anyone who tried to get there who, basically, wasn't you."
"I've already taken steps to make sure that doesn't happen today," I answered, "ready?"
"Fair enough," Andrew answered, apparently relieved.
"Shall we?" I asked.
I saw nods of agreement from both of them, and after Adam had picked up his suitcase, I concentrated on taking the three of us through to Millbank. Adam left the case with the butler, and then we headed out into the garden, towards the hedge maze.
Getting to the Primal Chamber itself is far from straight-forward - the security weakness in that regard having been hammered home to me many years before, when I had heard stories of the family attacks on the Ersatz Sable. We walked the maze, and from the centre I took us down to the cavern which had replaced the original location of Primal Chamber, and in which the tawny-sheened Tenné Pattern now burned, along with the access to Sable itself. From there I concentrated once more, both on the Pattern and on the inherent Jewel abilities I now possessed, and put a protective shield around us, before transferring us 'down' to the Primal Chamber itself.
As we arrived in the lower chamber, I caught a glimpse of movement off to one side. Maintaining the shield, I looked over in that direction, somewhat surprised to see anything else down there. Then I heard the sound of soft footfalls on stone, and the largest black panther I had ever seen came into our line of sight. As I realised what it was - which admittedly took a few moments, given my less than perfect recall - I relaxed slightly, although I could feel my companions tense, and Andrew's hand moved towards his sword hilt.
"Tell me that's friendly," Adam said, concern in his voice.
"Friendly...interesting question," I answered, "it is one of the forms Anglia takes on the rare occasions it decides to manifest."
"Anglia?"
"The spirit...entity...avatar...call it what you will...underlying the Sable Pattern."
"Your version of the Unicorn?" Andrew asked, still wary but obviously intrigued, "I've never seen it before.
"I've only seen it a couple of times myself," I answered with a nod, inherently sure that it was so, although I was curious that this time it had chosen to appear physically. I seemed to think that in the past when I had communicated with it, I had actually been on or near the Pattern, and it was the design itself with which I had spoken, rather than its avatar.
"Greetings, Robert," came a deep, rumbling voice...almost a purr, if a purr can shake the ground with the strength of a small earthquake, "it is many months since you visited. Do you wish your companions alive or dead?"
"Alive," I answered, "they are friends, and they are here to observe, not threaten."
"Very well..."
The Panther fixed them with its huge golden eyes, and addressed them directly. "He pleads for your lives at this time...be certain that if you betray his trust, I will not be merciful."
"You have our word that we will not," Adam said, his tone and stance reminiscent of the few times I had seen him invoking his position as Master of the Hunt with the Powers that Be. I suppose, in a way, it was the same situation: confronting a fundamental Power on its home turf.
"So noted," the Panther replied, and returned its attention to me, "you may take down the shield, Robert. I will not harm them."
I did so, noting a little surprise from Andrew that I was taking orders there of all places. What I do not think he realised is that in the Primal Chamber itself, the Pattern held sway: I'm not sure the same rule applies when he is with the Nexus, given that it doesn't have a Primal reflection in the same way.
"Are you ready, Robert?" Anglia asked, "it is time that you and I were together once again - it has been strange feeling that you were only partly there."
"You knew..."
"Since you were hurt, I have been as aware as you that you have been incomplete."
I hadn't realised that my weakness would have been transferred to my creation. However, as it spoke, incomplete seemed to be a perfect description, and I wondered if that was the difference which had led it to manifest this time, rather than communicate with me from within the Pattern.
"I'm ready," I said, and left my companions to cross to the start of the design. The Panther fell in beside me as I walked, almost at shoulder height to me, as if escorting me and making sure I didn't lose my way.
"Good luck, Robert," Andrew called.
"See you at the other end," I answered, and set my foot on the Pattern.
The sparks began to rise quickly, and after a few moments I could feel my body beginning to shift of its own accord. However, I tried to screen that out of my thoughts and concentrated on putting one foot (one claw...one paw) in front of the other. The memories began to come slowly at first, beginning with the earliest ones...the ones that I had truly lost. My childhood, growing up, school. After that, I had remembered snatches, almost like photos in an album that was filled with gaps. By the First Veil, I could recall my first two centuries of life, and realised just how many memories one can accumulate in such a long time. The First Veil showed me images of my first trip in Shadow with Brand, and the visit to Tir-na Nog'th when I had failed to walk the Pattern - presumably using my struggle there and then to test my worthiness to continue in the here and now.
I imposed my feelings of the Pattern on the images, and eventually I pierced the Veil. From there I continued onwards, and the memories of the middle period of my life came to me: from when my awareness of the nature of the universe had been expanded to encompass multiple worlds and Shadows, on that initial trip, through my first direct contacts with the family and the struggles and achievements since I had stepped full-time onto the family stage.
The Second Veil showed me the day I had created Sable. Looking at it almost from an outsider's perspective as I relearned what I had done, it was amazing how my perception of the place, even the name I had originally thought to give it, had changed as it came into being. Once again I inscribed the design in my mind, focused on the Rebman Jewel - and also, I suspect, drawing on the Jewel ability within me - and felt the lives I had created that day. As I finished that mental task, I felt the pressure release and I was through.
In the next phase, I recalled the years since Creating: the teething troubles of the new realm; making sure that the history within it remained consistent; stabilising the lands - Andrew's help in doing that as he created the Nexus; the birth of all those I was responsible for and now their children; and the struggles with the Reich which I hated but knew no way to end.
Had I really had the right to doom all those who had, and were, and would die in that struggle to keep my sanity?
Reflections on my choice to manifest my darkness formed the conflict at the Final Veil, and I saw Rupert in my mind's eye. As I confronted him, my brother as well as the other side of the coin to myself, I remembered those others who had walked the path of Creation before me, and what it had done to them. I was reassured that my choice was the right one, for all the conflict it would inevitably cause. The potentials of madness and conflict with the unknown could not have coexisted with the Sable I had foreseen.
As I came to agreement with myself, I stepped out of the Final Veil. I felt very, very tired, and was dragging my feet, almost too exhausted to take the last steps. But I felt that, for the first time in weeks, I knew myself...knew what had brought me to where I was now...how I stood in the battle of the Light versus the Darkness. The simple pleasure of looking forward to a conversation in which I didn't have to stumble over the gaps in my mind gave me the strength to make the final distance.
And then, after what seemed like an eternity, I took the last step and was standing in the middle of the Pattern. I could feel that I was in the panther form that was part of my ability to shapeshift, and had almost certainly contributed to the nature of Anglia's avatar. I took a moment or two to change back to human and summon up some clothes, and then looked about me. I could see Andrew and Adam off to one side, the Panther prowling nearby - sometimes circling them, sometimes glancing towards me.
Then its golden eyes met mine over the burning lines of the design, and then I saw it blink. A moment later it leapt towards me, disappearing as it reached the top of its arc.
"Welcome back," I heard in my head, and I knew the avatar was again in its more accustomed place, "you feel...better."
"And believe me, I truly hope that this will never happen again," I answered.
"Even this is better than if you had died, Robert," came the response, "then it would have been longer still."
"I know."
"Go... Take your companions from here and rest. But return sooner next time...and whole."
"I will remember."
With that, I transported back to where Adam and Andrew were standing.
"Are you okay?" Adam asked, concerned, "you look exhausted."
"Believe me, I feel it," I answered.
"Can I get us back up to Millbank?" Andrew enquired.
"No, I'm going to have to do that...but if you can then see Adam safely back to Strathmourne after that..."
"Of course."
I marshalled my last reserves of strength, reset the defences around the Chamber so that once we were gone the status quo would be returned - to whit, anyone trying to get there other than myself would be killed - and then concentrated on the Pattern. Moments later, we were back in the library at Millbank.
"At this point, I'm going to leave you to it," I said to them.
"Of course," Adam answered, "thank you for your hospitality...remember that I'm happy to return it whenever you wish to visit."
"And you are always welcome in Sable," I said, taking his hand, "Thanks, Adam. For everything."
"My pleasure."
"You go, Robert," Andrew said, finally, "I'll see you in the morning."
I nodded, and then headed upstairs to my old suite. I spent a few minutes in the shower, letting the warm water refresh me and ease some of the aches from my exertions, and then finally collapsed on the bed. I was asleep in moments, and my dreams began to make sense of the memories that had been returned to me.