Observations
Sable Palace, August SY151
Day Fifty-One
Over the next three weeks or so, I made a point of taking regular exercise - in a variety of forms - with the intention of getting myself back to fitness. Being a shapeshifter helped, of course, but even a shifter needs to condition the muscles that are being restored, otherwise he might end up with unexpected results.
Adam decided to stay around - claiming that he needed a holiday, and was enjoying the break. However, from some of the pointed questions he was asking me about the dreams I'd had in the early days of my recovery, it seemed as if he had appointed himself the task of looking out for my mental wellbeing, as well as the physical. Twice we attempted hypno-therapy sessions, in the hope that that would improve my memories, which were still very flaky, but in that regard, we had little success. It seemed as if I had got back as much as I was going to without walking the Pattern, although at least we started rebuilding my shields..
"You realise, of course, that I should report you to the Council," he commented mildly, over a glass of The MacAllan in the library one evening.
"Any particular reason?" I asked, taken slightly by surprise. Andrew had made a similar comment some weeks before, which I remembered snapping back at, but hearing it from Adam was different.
"It depends how serious you were about wanting to rip Paolo di Benedetti's mind apart," he answered, his expression a little more serious.
"Hell, I don't know any more, Adam," I answered, realising that it was true, "certainly in the first place, yes I would have happily done it. Now...? I don't know. I could certainly do it if I wanted to."
"I have no doubt about that. The question is will you?"
"I can't deny the temptation," I answered, "you've seen what happened in the Courtroom..."
"Aye," he replied. Once the small issue of my blocked Talent had been addressed, we had both taken a look at the holo-crystal Carl had given Andrew of that fateful day.
"Among my kin, such an attack is usually met with a hefty response, unless one wishes to be seen to be weak."
"Gray described that to me as your over-developed sense of vengeance," Adam commented, and I was amused to hear my own words from so long ago coming back to me from Adam's lips, "but is that truly who you are now?"
"I don't understand."
"You've changed since I've known you, Robert," he replied, "mellowed, perhaps. At least, that's how it seems to me."
"Since when?"
"Since you created Sable...since Rupert Delatz came into existence."
"Maybe I've just got better at keeping my temper?"
"Possibly. But maybe it's something more. From what I've seen of your extended family, which admittedly isn't much, you seem to have diverged from the norm. Even become a peacemaker on occasion."
"Someone has to," I answered, "otherwise we'd have all killed each other by now...not that that wouldn't be a bad idea in some cases..."
"Robert..." There was a tone of warning in his voice.
"Heck, it's the honest truth," I replied, "most of as are far from saints - myself included - and the multiverse would be far safer without the majority of us. Too many of the family think that Shadow beings don't matter except as a resource to be squandered if necessary. That's a view I've never subscribed to."
"Speaking as a 'Shadow being', I'm rather glad to hear that," Adam replied, with a wry smile.
"You know that isn't what I meant," I protested.
"And yet how many of your family would be having this discussion with someone who they don't consider to be real? I believe that would be the conventional wisdom, would it not? That I am not family, and therefore I am not real?"
"I don't subscribe to that point of view, either."
"I'm aware of that," came the response, "but it brings me back to Paolo. It sounds as if the same family wisdom would dictate you taking direct action against him...but is that what you intend to do?"
"As I said, I don't know," I replied, "militarily, it would be a non-starter; on an arcane playing field, I would have a better chance."
"Andrew mentioned something about wergild."
"He did to me, also," I replied, "but I have no idea how much, and I haven't been to the bank to find out."
"Would you accept it?"
I shrugged. "That isn't the way of our culture. You must know that from our discussions in the past."
"Are we talking 'our' England, or 'our' Amber here?"
"I wasn't aware that it was even that common in Amber," I answered, "given how often we try to kill each other, although I can see that it may be in the culture Paolo di Benedetti was brought up in."
"And yet it is an elegant solution, if you choose to take it," he replied.
He sipped at his whisky and then looked straight at me, a disarming frankness in his features, "You do realise, don't you, that a cold blooded, direct arcane attack with the intention of permanently or semi-permanently mentally incapacitating him really could get you hauled up in front of the Council, and you're well aware of the punishments they could impose."
"Be realistic, Adam," I retorted, "the chances of the Council being able to do anything to me in that regard are non-existent. Do you really think that even between you, you could actually do me any serious harm? Either magically or physically?"
There was a stunned silence, and I saw his face register surprise and his eyes narrow slightly.
"That's quite possibly the most arrogant thing I've ever heard you say," he said, finally, "And you really mean it, don't you?"
"Merely stating the facts as I see them," I answered, although deep down I knew he was right and my response surprised me. When he replied, his tone was level.
"That attitude is exactly the one that you and Andrew set the Council up to police, way back when, and which you have continued to oppose ever since, so that mages don't go around abusing their abilities. It's a fundamental tenet of Terra Magica society: the balance has to be maintained, or otherwise the non-Talented would take fright against the Talented, and we would all be destroyed in the crossfire. If you were to break the balance, then you could destroy everything you've built, and the Council would have to oppose you."
"And likely fail," I replied.
"Remember that Andrew is also on the Council...and my impression from things he's said since I've been here, is that he would not support you in such a matter - it is part of the reason he suggested I come here. So do not be so sure that you would be untouchable."
"I was playing Devil's Advocate," I said after a moment.
"Really?" he answered, his tone unconvinced.
I shrugged. "Were I considering such a course of action against a non-family member, then yes, there would be a case for me to answer...but Paolo is family, a creator - as strong, if not stronger than me - and I'd argue that a response to a direct attack wouldn't be cold blooded."
"Even after all this time?"
"Two months? Remember, that to me two months is the same as a few days would be to you."
"What you've said to me this evening is badly out of character for you, even with the provocation you received. At this point, I am hoping that you are thinking like this - saying this - because you still aren't fully recovered. I also hope that when you take the Pattern, your attitude will be restored to normal."
I took a drink, then met his gaze once more. "Perhaps."
"Realise something, Robert. What you are describing is a course of action that Rupert would take."
"He and I are different sides of the same coin."
"Exactly. Different sides. And you need to keep it that way." He shrugged, had a drink, and then looked at me, "I've said my piece and will let it drop for now...but bear it in mind, as I would prefer to remain your friend than become your enemy."
"So noted," I replied, and was relieved when he changed the subject, as my own responses were making me uncomfortable.
"When do you intend to walk the Pattern?" he asked, a few moments later.
"As my current physician, would you declare me fit and well once more?"
"Physically, yes."
"I'd agree with you - and I think Malcolm and Mer do, too. Which means that the answer is the sooner the better. When do you need to get back to Edinburgh?"
"A couple of days, perhaps."
"Feel like a stop on the way...to see what it is I keep talking about?"
"The Pattern? It could be informative."
"I'll make the arcane arrangements this evening," I suggested, knowing that I would need to slightly relax the killing wards around the Primal Pattern room under Tenné to allow anyone other than myself to enter the chamber alive, "and then I'll probably do it tomorrow evening."
"Then I'll spend tomorrow shopping for souvenirs," he answered, with a chuckle, returning to his previous equanimity. We continued to talk for a little while longer, and then finally we drained our glasses, and he rose and left the library for his quarters, leaving me to consider how much of what I had said I actually meant.