Concerns
Sable Palace Library, February SY113
"You look worried," Claire said as she came into the library and crossed to where I was sitting, "what's wrong?"
"I've just had some rather disturbing news," I answered, looking up at her and thinking back to my unexpected encounter with Piers' wife a couple of hours before.
"Anything you want to talk about?" she asked, her own expression taking on an air of concern.
I paused a moment, then asked "Do you think I would have been capable of murdering Morgaine? Or at least, causing her to be killed?"
A frown briefly crossed her face, and then it gave way to a smile.
"That is quite possibly one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard you say," she answered, her tone light, "I know you had your differences, but I don't see you ever hurting her."
And then she realised that I wasn't smiling, and I saw her expression darken.
"My God, you're serious, aren't you Robert?"
"One hundred percent," I answered.
"I think that perhaps you'd better explain why you asked the question, then."
I paused a moment, thinking of the events of earlier in the day, and then answered her.
"I met someone from the Amber universe today."
"And trouble has immediately come to haunt you?" she replied, her voice taking on a tone of resignation, although her expression was studied neutral.
I knew that she had been happier since we had been away in Sable - to be honest, so had I after Chesceni's behaviour at the last family party I had attended, which had proven to me that despite my better efforts my own family was as riven with the same kind factions as my extended Amber one when its members were in the Amber universe - and so while I wasn't surprised at her reaction to the news that I'd finally made contact with someone from our previous home, I was disheartened by it.
"It would appear that it's come to haunt me in spades," I answered, quietly. I waited for her reaction, but her face remained emotionless, as if she was waiting for me to continue. I shrugged and did so.
"I met with April today...do you remember her?"
"Piers' wife," she answered, "she was always one of the best of them, along with her husband."
"That's her. It seems she - and Piers - have been looking for me."
"Why? They know you came home to here, don't they?"
"I didn't announce it in so many words when we left, but I thought they would have guessed, yes. However, by the sound of it, things are rather more complicated than that."
I took a deep breath, trying to decide how to continue, and then opted for just being straight with her about what I had learned.
"It would seem that my status and my fortunes there have taken a rather catastrophic turn for the worst in our absence. As far as Amber is concerned I am now a mass murderer - specifically accused of ordering the deaths of Morgaine and Lily, if not actually killing them myself; a war criminal of some kind, guilty of Lord knows how many atrocities and ranking me up there with Eric as Mr. Popular; and Sable has been destroyed."
"What?"
I saw the colour draining out of her face, much as I imagine it had from mine when April had told me the news, and a look of complete incredulity crossed her features.
"That was my reaction," I answered, "initially I held onto the admittedly unlikely hope that she was joking - the whole thing just seemed too ridiculous for words. But she wasn't. She was completely serious. And just at the moment, I can't work out whether to be furious about it, or just plain dumbstruck. I certainly know that I'd like to get to the bottom of it."
As I spoke, she came over and perched on the side of my chair. I put my arm around her waist to support her, and could feel that she was trembling.
"How did it happen?" she asked, finally.
"That's the trouble," I answered with a shrug, "I'm as much in the dark about it as you are."
I paused, trying to think of the best way to carry on explaining without making her even more uncomfortable with the subject than I could already see she was.
"As far as I can tell from what she said," I continued, finally, "while we've been here, someone else has been there and seems to have made it a point of principle to destroy or get destroyed everything I ever cared about or worked for in the Amber universe. Avon is gone - and April couldn't tell me what's happened to William. Greece is gone - and likewise I have no idea what's happened to my brother Michael. And to cap it all, it seems Chesceni has taken over the British Empire in my absence."
I felt her tense, so I released her and stood, crossing to the drinks cabinet and pouring us two large measures of the MacAllan. She took hers in silence, and I could see the worry on her face, her features still pale. I took a drink from my glass, watched as she did the same, and then we sat down once more.
"What about Alison?" she said quietly.
"April mentioned something about her hanging around with Tony Fixatelli... although that threw me as well, given that I thought she was thinking of marrying Kenneth. Presumably she's changed her mind at some point since we last saw her."
For a good few minutes, Claire just sat, gazing into her glass and occasionally taking a drink. I wished I knew what to say to reassure her. However, my own concerns and feeling of helplessness about what had happened meant that it was impossible to find the words to try to comfort her. Then, finally, she looked up at me.
"Who would do this to you?" she asked, her voice small, "I mean, I'm realistic enough to know that you had enemies there, but that they would do something like this... and how could they think they've destroyed Sable? We're here. It's all around us."
All I could do was shrug.
"As I said, I don't understand any of this either, especially that bit, but from what she was saying, something was certainly destroyed: something that was similar enough to Sable that the likes of Chesceni believed that that was what it was. The true nature of it, though... that completely escapes me, although I'd love to find out what it really was. At this point, however, all I know for sure is it wasn't what they thought."
"Don't you even have any ideas?"
"I've been trying to come up with some since I got back. Unfortunately, the only thing I can think of is that it was some kind of side effect from what I have done while we've been here."
"Which is?" she said, sharply, looking up at me with the first traces of fire returning to her eyes.
"As I've told you as I've gone along, part of what I've been doing while we've been here this time is trying to improve the security of this place. That's why I've been working with the Pattern so much - trying to find some tricks which might help. As it turns out, it seems as if I've been more successful than I had thought, and as a result, a lot more time has passed there than I had expected: although how what I did could related to the appearance of a second Sable, I do not know."
"And much of the time we've been away has been used by someone to try to destroy you, everything you cared about and all that you stood for."
Once again, I had no good answer for her.
"It certainly looks that way," I said, finally, "though believe me, there's no earthly way I would have caused that to happen on purpose."
Her expression softened slightly at that.
"I know, Robert...I'm sorry."
I paused for a moment, taking a drink and trying to think, both about my next course of action, and in an attempt to work out what could have happened in my absence.
"You're planning to go back, aren't you?" she said, looking at me as I considered possibilities.
"At this moment in time, if I can find a way of doing it without being shot on sight, I think I have to."
"You're not joking about that, either, are you...? The shot on sight bit."
"No. I'm rather afraid I'm not. From what I've heard, if I just turn up out of the blue, I reckon there's an evens chance that those people who banded together to destroy...whatever and whoever the Hell it was they destroyed... are likely to shoot first and ask question later."
"Who is they?"
"That's what hit me the most. It seems that Kelric and Chesceni were the prime movers, with a lot of other people I thought knew me better than it appears they did involved in the actual attack, including Piers, Jason, Uriel and even Joanna."
"Robert, if that's the case then you can't go..." she answered, her face a mask of worry, "you're good at what you do, but you aren't strong enough to stand up to all of them."
"But I'm innocent," I protested, shellshock beginning to give way to anger for the first time. "You know that. I know that. And as I see it, I have a right to try to prove it."
"Not if it costs you your life to do it," came the reply, and I could hear the flatness in her voice which I only ever heard when she was seriously disturbed by something. Hearing it put a check on my building rage, causing me to pause a moment, and then I managed a wry smile.
"I'm not that easy to kill, love. Especially as Sable is alive and well, despite what they think. However, I promise I won't walk into this blindly. From what April was saying, she and Piers weren't completely convinced of my guilt in what happened..."
"And yet they were part of the attack on...whatever it was."
"I asked her about that. Her side of it was that Piers was involved primarily to try to make sure that whoever my duplicate was, he wasn't killed out of hand. Apparently they have him as a prisoner somewhere in Tango. It also sounds as if the main reason why they were actually looking for me is to see if they could prove once and for all whether who or what they had was really me or not."
"And Piers thinks he can do that?"
"It sounds like it. And if he can be convinced of my identity to his satisfaction, then it seems like they will be willing to help me try to put the record straight as far as the identity of the perpetrator of the crimes which happened in the Amber universe is concerned. "
I paused, then added.
"Of course, first I need to persuade them that I am who I say I am..."
Claire looked like she was about to protest, but I held up my hand to stop her.
"Don't worry. I have a feeling that is actually going to be the easiest part of this...given that I am, of course, who I say I am."
I managed a weak smile again, and was rewarded by a slight smile from Claire in return.
"Then, once we're over that hurdle, I suspect that Piers and I between us can come up with some method of convincing the others."
"I hope you're right," came her reply.
I stood and crossed over to her and put my hands on her shoulders. She still felt tense, so I started massaging her neck to try to calm her.
"I can't promise I am, but I am pretty sure."
Again, I paused a moment, before saying "I need to do this, Claire."
"I know, love," she answered, quietly, "I remember how outraged you were when Paolo accused you of treason to Amber...and I remember how hard you fought to get that judgement overturned. What you've been accused of this time is orders of magnitudes worse, and so you wouldn't be being true to yourself if you didn't try to do something about it."
I rested my forearms on her shoulders, bent down and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and in return she took hold of my wrist and squeezed it.
"Somehow we're going to get through this," I assured her, although I suspect I said it with more confidence than I actually felt, "and I'm going to prove that they're wrong."
"I can see I'm going to have to trust your judgement on this one," she answered, quietly, "but you can't stop me from worrying about it."
"I know that," I replied, "however hopefully, if I've read April right - and I'm pretty sure I have - you won't need to worry for long."
"I couldn't bear to lose you, Robert," she said, quietly, "not after all this time. Please, promise me you'll do your best to come back to me in one piece."
"That is a promise I can make...and expect to keep," I answered, earnestly, "you are the most important thing in my life, Claire, and wild horses wouldn't stop me coming home. In fact, if it will reassure you at all, I also promise that even if I cannot prove to them that I'm innocent of what I'm accused of, I will come back to you rather than fight a losing battle and risk losing you as well."
At that she closed her eyes and laid her head on my left arm, still holding my right with the other hand.
"I'm going to hold you to that, de Lacy," she replied, "and believe me, if you try to wriggle out of it, I'll come looking for you myself."