Millbank Manor
15th March 2014
"Dad, can we talk?" William asked, coming into my study. He and his family were staying for the weekend - which was proving interesting to juggle with Morgaine staying in the larger of the spare rooms - but when he had told me he had some leave coming, and wanted to come to Millbank, I hadn't wanted to refuse him. He offers to come and stay so rarely, and our last meeting, when we had had to bust Andrew out of the Thulist castle, had not exactly been a social visit.
I pushed aside the notes I was reading, and looked up.
"Always. We just never seem to get around to it," I answered, quietly, "what's bothering you?"
"I was wondering when you were going to let me off Terra Magica," he replied, pouring himself a drink, then sitting down the other side of the desk, and putting his feet up on it. "I have tried to leave, to have a look around, since you showed me what to do with the Pattern, but I can't shift Shadow. I know you control the barriers, so..."
"You obviously haven't tried very recently," I said, smiling, "the barriers have been down for a while. If you want to go, you can."
He looked surprised. "It didn't seem to be working a couple of days ago."
"Hmm. Perhaps I need to go through it again with you," I replied, surprised. I had thought I was a better teacher than that. "Have you got a couple of hours now?"
"Should have. Andrew took Sarah and James out riding about half an hour ago, so I guess they'll be a while."
"Good. Come on then."
I put the notes in my desk and locked it, then picked up my jacket from the back of my chair and we headed for the door.
"How's Andrew doing?" he asked as we walked.
"It's hard to say," I answered, thinking about my eldest son and his reactions and behaviour since we had freed him from the Thulists, "he has been very subdued, for obvious reasons. It is taking him a while to come to terms with what happened."
"Understandable, given the circumstances," William commented, after a moment's thought, and I saw a flash of concern on his features. They always had been comparatively close. Then his expression lightened, and he added "what's with him and Morgaine, anyway?"
"Also hard to say," I replied, smiling, "I can't figure it out. I have the feeling that they are both attracted to each other, but neither of them is quite brave enough to tell the other...maybe I'm wrong, but that's the impression I have."
"I thought you might have had some idea, seeing as you see more of him than I do..." William answered, and I detected a trace of bitterness in his voice. Presumably the old resentment about the fact that Andrew was closer to me than he was. I had tried to change that, but it was so hard. There was too much of Annabel's pride in him. Or too much of my own.
"I never forced you to leave home, William. It was your choice...and you're always welcome to visit," I said, quietly, hoping this wasn't going to end in another argument.
"I know, Dad," he answered, equally quietly, "but my army duties often make it difficult."
He paused again, then added "And what about you? How are you doing? Andrew said you'd been having some problems of your own." And I saw his eyes flick towards my wrist.
"I'm getting there," I answered, "at least the business in Rebma, and what happened with Andrew have kept my mind off it."
"Ah."
He lapsed into silence, and we walked out into the garden and headed for the stables. I saddled Bryant and he took Copper, and soon we were riding into Millbank Woods. It reminded me of the time when Brand had done the same for me.
"Okay. Try shifting..." I said, after we were out of sight of the house. I saw a look of intense concentration on his face and reached out with the Pattern, and could see that while he was going through the motions properly, he wasn't managing to change anything.
"What are you trying to alter?" I asked.
"I was trying to get us onto a road like the ones you showed me in Chicago," he answered, "it's the only other place I've seen."
"Hmm. I suspect that you're trying to make the shifts too large. Go more gradually. Shifting needs to be done in stages. First, try to change the trees, then the ground, and so on."
He concentrated once more, and slowly, very slowly, things began to change.
"Better," I said, pleased, "but we need to work on this."
We rode for about an hour and a half, by which time he was getting more confident about the changes he was making, and he had got more of an idea of how to make the shifts gradually. Hellriding would need to wait, of course, but by the end of the ride he seemed happier.
"What was I doing wrong?" he asked, as we reined in beside a country inn in a Shadow Amber-wards from Terra Magica.
"You were trying to run before you could walk," I answered, "I had the same problem when Brand was showing me. However, you seem to be getting more of a hang of it now."
I dismounted and tied Bryant, who had behaved remarkably well for his first Shadow walk, to the hitching post. I still missed Connal's steadiness, but my favourite mount was too old, now, to learn this particular new trick. William swung off Copper's back with practised ease, then tied him beside Bryant and we went inside.
"Are you buying?" he asked, "I don't have the right cash on me."
"Check again," I answered, "just think it's probable that you do have...remember."
He concentrated briefly, then reached into the pocket of his jeans and brought out a handful of cash.
"Eventually, I'll remember tricks like that," he replied, a half smile coming to his face, "but stuck on Terra Magica, I never think about it."
We sat down at a booth by the window, and an efficient looking waitress took our order. I took a sip from my glass of wine when it arrived, and decided it was quite palatable. William raised his tankard to his lips and swallowed, before putting it down with a satisfied expression on his face. Then he looked more serious.
"There's something else I wanted to discuss with you in private," he said, finally.
"Which is?"
"When are you going to stop being so over protective towards me?" His tone was quiet, but firm, and I looked at him, startled, "at times it feels as if you're still treating me like a child."
"I hadn't realised you felt that way," I replied, feeling mildly chastened that I hadn't seen it, "although I will plead guilty to protecting you."
"Maybe I phrased it badly," he answered, "but it is how I feel sometimes."
"You've heard what the family are like from both Andrew and myself..."
"Yes."
"Doesn't what we've said worry you?"
"Not unduly," he answered, his tone confident, "so they're a bunch of bastards, but I still reckon that I could hold my own reasonably well. You have taught me a lot over the years."
"If I hadn't been a member of the Amber family, the Thulists wouldn't have grabbed Andrew."
"I am aware of that, too," he answered, keeping his tone even, "I didn't ask this with my eyes closed. I've been trying to work out how to say it for a while."
I regarded him for a moment, and could tell that he was being completely honest with me, and I was seeing what he really felt. He was serious.
"What about Sarah and James?" I asked, finally, "do you think you have the right to expose them to everyone?"
"Sarah has wondered why you keep me here for a while, especially since you took me to walk the Pattern. Okay, she doesn't completely understand what that means, but she knows it was significant," he answered, "you don't keep Andrew locked away, or even John...and for the record I reckon I could beat the shit out of him if I wanted to. Why do you treat me so differently?"
I suppose it was a fair question, and he was right - he probably could knock seven bells out of John if he wanted to. I just keep forgetting how tough he has actually become over the years.
"Is it because of Mum?" he asked at last, his voice still even, although with a faint trace of suspicion. I paused a moment before answering, trying to decide if that was really the root of the problem.
"Indirectly, perhaps," I replied, finally, "given who Annabel's father is, I am afraid that his faction would have no qualms about hurting you or your family, or using you against me. I've mentioned your uncle JJ to you before..."
"Yes," he replied, his tone guarded, "although nothing seemed to come of the warning."
"Be thankful for that, William, honestly," I answered, in complete earnest, "I came across some of his plans, and killing Claire was among them."
At least he had the grace to look startled. "You're serious?"
"Very. I wouldn't joke about something like that. He was planning on making sure she was in the middle of a clash of Powers, and I have no idea why he finally decided not to do it. Now he has joined forces with another uncle of yours, by the name of Nicolo, and the combination really worries me. I don't know how much they are working with Eric, but I can't deny the possibility that they may be."
"I can look after myself pretty well," he argued, although he was at least still calm about it.
"So can Andrew..." I replied, quietly, leaving the rest of the sentence unspoken. He looked pensive, and took another drink from his tankard.
"It's hard for me, Dad," he said, finally, "it's really difficult working with the nagging suspicion at the back of my mind that you don't trust me. I'm your son, for God's sake."
For once, I don't think he was trying to hurt me, but I still felt as if he had slapped me in the face.
"I know you are," I said, finally, "and believe me, I would welcome your help and support in Avon. I was just afraid to ask...and afraid for Sarah and James. This family really will stoop to anything."
"But most of them don't do it to you, from what Andrew has said."
"I have enemies in the family, JJ and Nicolo among them," I replied, "and you will acquire them as soon as you step foot in Avon."
"I accept that."
"And Sarah and James will be potential targets also."
"I will explain that to them," he answered, firmly, and then his expression softened somewhat, "I don't know. You seem to be able to commute between home and Avon without losing much time in either. Maybe they could stay on Terra Magica, and I could split my time between the two places. After all, you only ever seem to be missing for a day or so at a time, and if I could pull a similar trick, then hopefully I wouldn't miss them."
Once again, his way of speaking, and the look, reminded me of how much he cared for both of them. As I had on numerous occasions, I wished once more that I got on better with Sarah. James was great, but my daughter-in-law and I had never really seen eye to eye.
"What about your military career?" I asked, finally.
"I'm realistic about that," he answered, in a slightly hurt tone, "I know they only tolerate me because I would be too good an asset to lose. But I'm never going to make even lieutenant colonel, even if I bloody well deserve it. Colonel Briggs has seen to that."
"I thought I had persuaded him to let that drop."
"Dad, your persuasion is the only reason he will tolerate me at all," he replied, definitely sounding hurt, although I don't think it was at me. "I really appreciate everything you've done to help, but I am enough of a tactician to know when I'm fighting a losing battle."
I looked at him, sipping my drink in silence. He was a far better soldier than either myself or Andrew had ever been, and yet from what he was saying, it seemed that he would not ever be able to demonstrate that due to his hot headedness at Sandhurst. I had genuinely not realised things were that bad, and again realised that I was angry at myself for not seeing it. There was so much more I should know about my youngest son.
"What would you want to do in Avon?" I asked, finally.
"What would be the options?" he replied.
"Firstly, you would have to get used to the fact that you were a Prince, and would be treated as such."
He looked at me unconvinced. "Is that really necessary?"
"You know what the Royal Family here are like..." I replied, "okay, in Avon it is a little less formal, mainly because she is still a young Kingdom and the pageantry hasn't had time to develop, but you will need to bear that in mind. You, and Sarah, and James will be special there, as far as the people are concerned. You are my only other legitimate son."
"I guess I will get used to it."
"It's strange," I answered, smiling, "I'm still getting used to it too - you know how much I like staying out of the limelight."
"True," he answered with a half smile on his own features, "do John and Andrew get that as well?"
"Andrew does, as he has been acting as my Regent over the last couple of months. John, less so. At heart he is still an American policeman, and keeps his head firmly down when people try to make an issue of the fact that he is my son."
"I suppose I'll see what happens. So, this aside, what would be my options in Avon?"
"Army, police, or charge of the border guard, if you wanted to stick with a military career."
"What else?"
"I could train you how to govern," I answered, looking at him, "or more likely, we could learn together."
"I thought that was Andrew's preserve," he replied, a trace of bitterness once more in his voice.
"It looks like Andrew isn't going to be around Avon much any more," I replied, "I received a very interesting offer from King Charles on Earth Prime, and your brother may well be going to be spending a fair amount of his time there. With me in and out of Avon, I would like to know I had someone there who could keep an eye on things while I'm gone."
He regarded me for a moment, with his deep, green eyes, then said, quietly. "Am I always going to be your second choice in everything?"
I looked back at him, unsure of an answer. I suppose, thinking about it, he was right. I had just spent so long looking to Andrew to back me up on things, and we were so close. It still hurt to admit to myself that William's question was a fair one.
"You're still young," I replied, finally, "whereas I have known Andrew for almost all my life. Please, give me time and I will try to change."
He took another drink, before replying. "I suppose that is the best I can hope for," he answered.
"If there is one thing we have plenty of, it's time," I said, quietly, "will you help me in Avon?"
"If you think it's a good idea. I'm not exactly the calmest person in the universe."
"Neither am I," I replied, with a wry smile, "we've argued enough over the years for us both to know that. However, if you are willing to accept the risks involved in being around Amber, and being known to the family, then I would like your help." I paused a moment. "Maybe it will give us a chance to get to know each other better than we have up until now."
"You can only cope with being wrapped in cotton wool for so long," he answered, firmly, "everyone needs a chance to grow, and for me, maybe this will be it. Perhaps we can work together on two scores: both on the governing side, and maybe I will take you up on one of the military options also. The Forces are a tradition, even in our Royal Family here."
"It's possible. I suspect something like the border guard would appeal to you," I replied, almost thinking aloud, "if you do take up a military position as well, then you would be working closely with both your brother John and my CiC, General O'Connor. "
"John seemed pretty cool when we met in Tir-na Nog'th, and I think I could get to like him. All I know about the other one is that you found him in the family crypt."
"I'm pretty sure he also has Amber blood - though not mine. Still, I can go into details in due course," I answered, "between myself, John and Gray we should be able to brief you fully on what is happening." I paused again, before adding. "You are my son, and whatever you may think of me, I care a Hell of a lot about you...that is why I have always been so protective. Perhaps you are right, and it is time that changed."
"Thanks, Dad," he said, draining his tankard, "I'll do my best."
I nodded. "It will be a learning experience for both of us. I hope it works out to be a positive one."
With that, I emptied my own glass, then stood. "We should be getting back, or Sarah will be wondering where I've spirited you away to."
"You're probably right."
"Do you want to drive, or shall I?"
"Let me. I think I need the practice more than you do," he replied, smiling, and we went outside to collect the horses.